Today is exactly two years since I broke my back in Indonesia… Looking back these last couple of years, I lost a lot. I lost life as I knew it to be… I lost a best friend or who I had thought was a best friend. I moved in the middle of my recovery, losing my core support group, my neighbors, my ‘family’. I even lost part of my business… Focusing my attention on the recovery… I lost the ability to be as active as I used to be, no more golf, snowboarding, surfing and yep, Magic Mountain… As much as some people would love an excuse not to go on those rides… I’m bummed because I lost that dare devil self I used to be… But being honest though, the biggest loss had to be my sense of control. From the moment I became a single mom, and then a business owner… I thought I had to be in control of my life. I had to run the show… Put the roof over our heads, feed us, cloth us, etc.
Well, the moment I broke my back… That all changed. I was no longer in control. I learned to let go of people who were hurtful to me, some who had good intentions but they themselves were broken as much as I was. I learned that God is ultimately in control, if we let him… he has the road map, he has the keys but most of all he closes doors for a reason. In the midst of all the chaos it’s hard to understand it, especially when you feel like you were going in the right direction. Before I broke my back, besides being single… I thought my life was perfect. Business was booming, my son was healthy, my friends were always there for me… The only thing I thought I was missing was a man, a husband. After I broke my back, I realized that life wasn’t about all of that- material possessions, picture perfect family, etc.
I lost control of my life but gained peace, happiness & real love. It’s almost as if God picked me up out of the middle of the storm; a storm I hadn’t realized I was in… to place me on a beautiful beach outside of that storm. God is really in control… and when I figured that out, life actually became much easier. Instead of trying to control situations and google my way through things… I put down my phone and picked up my Bible. I might have lost a part of my business & friends who I called family but I gained so much more… A new church home, a new family of friends… People that I truly know have my back. I wouldn’t change a thing and as long as I stay focused on the true purpose, the true meaning of life… Then I will be okay.
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